This is a question I was asked recently and a good in-depth answer to this question can be found here at GotQuestions?
I'm going to summarise the answer in 2 parts, starting with why sex before marriage (or outside of marriage e.g. adultery, or if you're divorced and already had sex) is wrong in the first place.
God designed sex to be for a married couple, it is the only safe place where sex can be practiced in the way God intended. It is only a good thing when used in its correct context, like a fire. If you start a fire it can do damage, but a fire in the proper context of a fireplace for example is a good thing. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says 'For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality'. It is sexually immoral to have sex with more than one person at a time, to have sex with anyone you are not married to, to have sex with someone you are related to and to have sex with someone of the same gender as yourself (see verses in Leviticus).
Why did God intend sex to be only within marriage?
So now we understand why sex is forbidden outside of marriage, we can address the issue of why it is still wrong to have sex outside of marriage if you intend to marry the person. Again, I'll say that this is explained very well on the website I have mentioned at the start of this post, the link to the page is also there. But here's a short summary:
Remember that God made these rules with ultimate power and knowledge. He knows how these rules will pan out and work for us, He can see all the other possible options and where they'll lead and he chose these rules. That means He knows it's the best thing for us. We might think we know better, but we don't and God doesn't want us to learn that we don't the hard way. He wants us to trust Him and what He asks. So trust Him. We're not animals, so we should treat ourselves and our partners with dignity and respect.
I'm going to summarise the answer in 2 parts, starting with why sex before marriage (or outside of marriage e.g. adultery, or if you're divorced and already had sex) is wrong in the first place.
God designed sex to be for a married couple, it is the only safe place where sex can be practiced in the way God intended. It is only a good thing when used in its correct context, like a fire. If you start a fire it can do damage, but a fire in the proper context of a fireplace for example is a good thing. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says 'For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality'. It is sexually immoral to have sex with more than one person at a time, to have sex with anyone you are not married to, to have sex with someone you are related to and to have sex with someone of the same gender as yourself (see verses in Leviticus).
Why did God intend sex to be only within marriage?
- Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, sex is emotionally bonding as well as physically bonding. The temporary emotional attachment during sex can still cause damage afterwards. Feelings of being used, self-worth only existing when you have intimate involvement with another person, etc. God does not want this emotional damage to occur
- Health issues can arise - your chances of picking up an STD increases with the number of partners you have, but can still be picked up from having sex with only one person and that includes oral sex
- Pregnancy risks - children should not be raised outside of marriage, especially with only one parent or by parents who are not emotionally or financially prepared for a child
- Your body is God's temple, because he created you, this is even more the case if you are already a Christian since the Holy Spirit lives inside you. 1 Corinthians 6:18-19 'Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?'
So now we understand why sex is forbidden outside of marriage, we can address the issue of why it is still wrong to have sex outside of marriage if you intend to marry the person. Again, I'll say that this is explained very well on the website I have mentioned at the start of this post, the link to the page is also there. But here's a short summary:
- You're still not married for a start, so the rules I just explained about why sex outside marriage is wrong, still apply. There's health risks, emotional risks and pregnancy risks. You're also still abusing your body which is a temple of God
- The emotional risks could become even worse if you say you'll get married and break up
- It shows a complete lack of respect for yourself and for the other person. If you love each other enough to get married, it shouldn't be hard to wait until then to have sex. If you can't, you're showing either you don't want to (so you don't respect the other person enough to wait) or you have no self-control over yourself which is a very slippery slope. How will you deal with other sexual temptations such as adultery and pornography?
- Think to yourself, will you actually get married if you're already having sex? Is that what the other person is sticking around for? Would you still be together if you removed sex from the relationship?
Remember that God made these rules with ultimate power and knowledge. He knows how these rules will pan out and work for us, He can see all the other possible options and where they'll lead and he chose these rules. That means He knows it's the best thing for us. We might think we know better, but we don't and God doesn't want us to learn that we don't the hard way. He wants us to trust Him and what He asks. So trust Him. We're not animals, so we should treat ourselves and our partners with dignity and respect.
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